a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
