I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I still have a little drunk in my system
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
