I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just tell him i said nine months
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
