1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Where did you get a picture of my penis
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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