one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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