Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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