there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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