i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Randomize
