she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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