Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize