Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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