A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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