Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
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My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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