brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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