I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
