theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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