she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
