The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
