god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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