AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
