Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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