It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
only if we run a train.
done.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
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Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
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Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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