I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
