yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
