For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she peed on how many people?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
