Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
