I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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