You work out of a Hotel?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
