Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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