His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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