What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
