I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
