Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
