I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
