There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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