I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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