just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
