We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
