dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
