break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
