This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
