My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
