Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
