if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
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Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
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don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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