are you so shy because you have an std?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
