Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
