I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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