I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
