college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I believe in your delicious
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
