Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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