You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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