hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize