I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
