Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
