We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
