I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
