Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
