Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
