You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you traded sex for a burrito?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
