his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Randomize
