Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
