I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
