Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
