Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
