I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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