I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
