i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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