I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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