it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
