so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
