i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
