Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
