I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
