Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
