I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
