I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
