Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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