I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
