so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
