Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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