Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We are two peas in an std pod
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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