do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
