i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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