just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
